Rubber ducky, you're the one...

I've been missing Hanna a lot lately. I mean, obviously been missing her all along, been missing everyone. But the other night, when I was sitting out on my balcony, listening to Veronica, I just felt so....alone. Usually I relish that, it's part of the reason I like going out there everything. But this night I just felt sad. At first I thought I was just lonely 'cause Alex was supposed to come over but at the last minute couldn't. And it's true, that was for sure part of it. But then I realized that it wasn't really Alex I was missing. Sure, she's a nice girl, and I really really like her and don't know what I would do here without her, but it's not the same. There's only one Hanna. Yeah, that's a cliche, yeah, there's only one of everyone else, too, but sometimes you just want to be with a certain person. And for me that person is a blonde, freckled, hazel eyed dork who I've known forever. It's hard to imagine her here, mostly just 'cause she isn't, hasn't been, and won't be. But I still close my eyes and wish that she was sitting next to me, and that we were talking about something, anything...spending qua-li-tay time together. I had to work a little to conjure up an image that wasn't one of the pictures I have, and that scared me. Does that mean that I'm forgetting her? No...I don't know. I'll probably get over it...I hope I will. Not get over missing her, but get over the despair. I guess I'm more terrified of her forgetting me than me forgetting her. What if, when I come back, it's weird? What if she's changed, moved on, and I'm still wanting to watch dumb movies and dance to the Clash? I can't think about it too much...I always want to call her but whenever no one is using the phone or the internet it's, like, 3 in the morning in California. I really need to get a cellphone so I can call her at a decent hour...Gah.

Trying to pick up the pieces,
Bee Electric